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| User: | hardvice (901324) 
Hardvice
is totally sleeping with your dad
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| Name: | et in Retardia ego |
| Location: | Round Rock, Texas, United States |
| Birthdate: | 1974-06-08 |
| E-mail: | dave-rich@austin.rr.com
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LJ Talk:
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| hardvice | @ | livejournal.com (Jabber) |
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| AOL IM: |  SpiderSalad (Add Buddy, Send Message) |
| ICQ UIN: |  159161542 (User Profile) |
| Yahoo! ID: |  haRDvice (Add User, Send Message) |
| MSN Username: | |
| Google Talk: | |
| Bio: | About This Journal | - My journal is pretty much feast-or-famine. I'll go months averaging one post per week, and then a month or so posting five, six times per day. Sry.
- Please feel free to IM me via the medium of your choice (or hey, since I know you use them all anyway, why not get Trillian?) If I don't answer, I probably don't like you.
- Similarly, you can add me to your friends list. You don't need to ask me, or introduce yourself, or anything. I don't bite, and I don't get pissy about OMG MY JERNEL! Likewise, if I added you, it's because I like to read what you have to say. Nothing more, nothing less. Except for
![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) substancep, who I'm totally e-stalking.
- Similarly, you don't need my permission to repost anything I say,
 metaquote me, or use any of my icons, images, or what have you. You don't have to credit anything to me, though you are more than welcome to do so if that sort of thing rubs your nubbin.
- By the way, there's a moderately naughty version of the journal, too. Email me and I'll add you to the filter. It's not really pornographic; it's mostly just stuff I'm not quite comfortable plastering across my friends' Friends pages without their request.
- Speaking of not wanting to splatter crap across my friends' Friends pages, if you're particularly masochistic you can check out my awfulpoetry
- Some communities I am involved with you might want to check out:
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About Me | I am:- Fat
- Short
- Ugly
- Old
- MALE GODDAMN IT
- Misanthropic
- Quite possibly antisocial
- Your worst nightmare
- Not made of spun sugar and rainbows
- Disinclined to agree
- Largely disinterested
- Probably just kidding, but maybe not
- Sleeping with your dad behind your back
| I like:- Chemical dependence on Coffee, Tea, Yerba Mate, and other Wet Herbs
- Music
- Making fun of stupid people
- Procrastinating
- Revelling in my character flaws
- Making fun of uptight people
- Holding nothing sacred
- Reading everything in sight
- Puns, Witticisms, and Clever Turns O'Phrase
- Scandal
- OMG TEH DRAMA
- Making fun of the Sheer Monolithic Absurdity of It All
| MOST IMPORTANTLY OF ALL
It's best you just assume I'm joking. It will save time and prevent you looking like an ass. | |
What the critics are saying | Everyone should friend hardvice. He is a lulz machine, much like rfjason. he is the gay version of rfjason.—jameth
A funny guy? Yes. A nice guy? Not so much in my limited opinion of him.—jimmybobob79
By taking a look at your pathetic journal, I can tell you have no shame in making a complete ass out of yourself.—kourt08babe
it's hard to come to grips with a soulless, sociopathic bastard. so we rationalize and project humanity onto the empty crags of your personality.—jtzapp
Can you ever really get enough hardvice?—jeremyjx
He pwns so hard that his favorite cartoon is My Little Pwnies.—neuroxin
It was like trolling performance art or something.—armchairshrink
You're a stunning individual.—salacious_pop
He consistently gets me to laugh. It's why I love him.—zoltrix
hardvice is one of the best additions to my friendslist of late. I only wish I'd added him sooner.—amandathegreat
and i [sic] have nothing more to say to you i [sic] read your userinfo and now understand why you are saying all this. i [sic] mean you are insecure or you wouldn't have called yourself ugly. i [sic] don't deal with insecure people they are too negative for me, like you =) its sad. go seek counceling [sic] please. you shouldnt [sic] make your problems mine =) have a beautiful day and remember GOD LOVES YOU!—_glamerous_ [sic]
you the stupid one!—_glamerous_, about ten posts after she declared she had "nothing more to say" to me |
Frequently Asked Questions | Q: Why do you refer to your boyfriend only as "The BF"?
A: Because his first name is really, really uncommon, and I don't want something nasty/embarassing I say about him to be the first thing that pops up on Google.
Q: If God is all-powerful, all-knowing, and all-good, why does He allow evil to exist?
A: ...
Q: Why "Hardvice" ? Are you into, like, kinky sex and stuff?
A: It's an anagram. To whit:  Blame hangingfire.
Q: Whats with all the making fun of speling and grammer and punkshoo punctyoo periods and comas and stuf? Dont you now it doesnt mattre?
A: Please read this. Or have someone else read it to you, in all likelihood.
Q: Followup question: what the hell is an IMotD?
A: That would be the Internet Misspelling of the day, which I don't actually award anywhere near daily but which is, in fact, always a misspelling and always located on the Internet. Two out of three isn't bad.
Q: OMG! How can you make a joke about [whatever I just said]! You must be [racist/sexist/homophobic/etc.]! I am offended!
A: Please read this.
Q: How come you spend so much time mocking, belittling, and pestering people?
A: It's for their betterment, and my own.
Q: Hey, where's that one post you wrote about...
A: Probably here.
Q: I desperately need to spend a large amount of cash buying you presents. May I do so?
A: Be my guest. May I draw your attention to The Complete Ella Fitzgerald Songbooks? At a meager $271.98, it's a wonderful (and yet cost-effective) way to show how much you love me. After all, money=love.
Q: I am very clumsy and have somehow managed to get red candle wax all over my favourite cardigan. Oh, and on my strap-on harness and ball-gag. How can I get it out?
A: Try club soda. If that doesn't work, try baking soda. If that doesn't work, try lemon-lime soda. If that still doesn't work, try Yoohoo. But not the strawberry kind; that shit's an abomination. |
I'm Listening To... |  |
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| Memories: | 39 entries |
| Pictures: | over 800 public |
| Interests: | 150: absurdity, action figures, art, art criticism, art history, atheism, audrey hepburn, augustus caesar, bea arthur, bea arthur's tits, blue's clues slash, brotney spears, cats, catullus, chai tea, chaos, chris burden, christopher moore, chuck fuck and marry, civil liberties, civil rights, classics, coffee, comic books, cooking, criticism, david lynch, david sedaris, dirk gently, dorothy parker, douglas adams, dusty springfield, edith piaf, eff, erasure, faggotry, faggots, feminism, fiction, film, friend isn't a verb, fucking shit up, futuristic sex robotz, gay cowboys eating pudding, gay_married_fags_from_seattle, generally faggy things, george carlin, gorillaz, h.p. lovecraft, harry potter, henry james, hitchhiker's guide, html, humor, i thought u ♥ me > *, i thought u ♥ me > qweerdo, imaginary legal threats, internet law, internets, ionesco, j.r.r. tolkien, jasper johns, jean-paul sartre, jeff koons, joni mitchell, joseph campbell, kay bailey hutchison is a cunt, kevin smith, kitsch, kurt vonnegut, law, law and technology, law school, lord of the rings, made up poop drama, magnetic fields, marcel duchamp, marilyn monroe, meatspace, mis tocayos, modernism, monty python, morrissey, music, mythology, neil gaiman, new york mets, nine inch nails, oscar wilde, owen ray pugface, parry aftab is a cunt, pet shop boys, philip roth, photography, pittsburgh steelers, playing internet, pls douche, poetry, politics, postmodernism, professor edward stabbington, reading, reel big fish, robert rauschenberg, roleplaying games, rufus wainwright, san antonio spurs, sandman, scalia/thomas, scarlet's pierced hoo hoo, sculpture, sexuality, snakes on a motherfucking plane, snape killed dumbledore, software licensing, spiders, spoon hanging, stalking martin sargent, stalking weathermen, star trek, superkitten, supreme court slash, sylvia plath, talking heads, tarot cards, tawneelynne is a liar, tea, technology, terry pratchett, texas longhorns, the golden girls, the smiths, the unspeakable vice of the greeks, theatre, they might be giants, threatening to gangbang tawnee, tibor fischer, too much joy, tori amos, trolling lj abuse, twin peaks, urinal peeking, virginia woolf, watford fc, we're all fucked, william butler yeats, william faulkner, william shakespeare, writing, xbox |
| Schools: | Randolph High School - Universal City, TX (1989 - 1992)
Trinity University - San Antonio, TX (1992 - 1994)
University of Texas - San Antonio - San Antonio, TX (1994 - 1998)
University of Texas School of Law - Austin, TX (2002 - 2006)
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| Friends: | | 384: | 1belka, 33mhz, a_girl5000, a_lad_inane, aberrantvirtue, aethereal_girl, aforabuse, agateway, aimee, akaaria, alexjon, allah_dot_com, almira2005, alva1414, amandathegreat, anatolian, angelundrcover, anhero, annab3lla, annifridfour, apathiqueseraph, areawoman, armchairshrink, ashamed, ashi_moto, atomslife, awfulpoetry, bad_mom, badrobot68, badwolfatl, bag_of_cocks, barkis, barlights, baron_von_aaron, beenie, bevoboy98, biscuiteater, bizarre, blue_eye, bluegrasskitty, bluegypsy, bmcc, bonqueesha, bonziac, boo_kat, borealis_belle, boringisgood, bottledwater, boyswontbeboys, brightflashes, browneye54, bryen, buddymorgan, caprinus, capt_cunnypunch, catsluvdmb, caveman_joe, cavorite, charisstoma, chauffeurs, chibisama, chillos, chrissmari, christopher575, chunkems, cipster, colours, confessionalbox, correnn, craigb, cryslea, cuddlebumpie, cyanocobalamin, cynical5679, dai_sugoi, dancingdrew, danielspice, dantc, davidkevin, dawnsyndrome, dedpohmel, deftera, demure, depression208, derisio, deviantsaint, dippydawg1932, djmedieval, donkey_hokey, dr_fleming, duxwig, dwa20, e_richard, eagon, eqo, etrinsou, eurotrashgrrl, eviljr, ex_mamaskin256, fanless, faolchu_scatha, fillerbunny9, fire_trucks, fishing_nazi, flabbinabbal, flemco, for_noone, fresh_tart, fresita, friendhamster, frosya, full_of_wind, g2starboi, gargyloveswolfy, gaypedro, georgiamagnolia, ghettofinger, gillian16, girlpirate, girlvinyl, glass_hawk, gleefulfishy, grammarcub, greeneyed_devil, greymaiden, grubbybastard, gskreet, gulsukat, gutterboylive, haeleth, hangingfire, hardly_angelic, hardvice, hepkitten, hermy, hildeaux, hoyvenmayven, huff_and_puff, hujhax, hykue, iconoclast, iheartretards, immer_nachoha, in_flux_again, incostantemoto, infinitevoid, injustifiiable, innout, interactiveleaf, intervocalic, iworshipsatin, j3ss, jakusx, jameth, jameth2, jamievw, jannone, jasemike, jayboitn, jaymosch, jaytini, jdx_random, jedi_iwakura, jeffla, jefftimesten, jeremyjx, jeremylulz, joanypoo, joooolia, jtzapp, kalieris, kazzik, keithbuff, kev_bot, killhamster, killographic, kimmyxgibbler, kittiejenn, knight_errant, kotikokura, kriostoir, kshatri, kuangning, kurayami_hime, lady_kas, ladybirdvanderb, lambfriend, leairan, legalmoose, leolz, levi, life_of_kevin, lil_killjoy, liquidexplosion, ljablogger, ljdramabot, loopygrrl8, lovelies, lovesickeskimo, ltorosf, lubricum, luisifer, lwolf, lynziloserface, lyzz13, madefromscratch, magicpointeshoe, majiktt, marshallthecat, marykae, matintin, mengus, mersipan, michichu2, miss_dramatica, miss_electra, missfortune, missreagan, misterr, monkiegrrrl, mordant, mountawesome, mouser, mrich87, mrnoone, mrpunk2u, msirub, muddyslush, mufkinisaloser, murrrrrder, musicpsych, mwells, mylifetake2, nate14nov, natsukigirl, nazifucker, nearlydead, nekidwhiteboy, neuroxin, notdepressive, novellas, nykeyoung, oakenking, obliquity, oddnumbered, offsprng588, ohioswimmer, olivetree, oneirus, outherelistenin, parazel, pastry_savant, paulflorez, peebs1701, pemier, penultimate215b, pete_diddy, pickadilly, pinch_of_hope, pipimadchen, poko_fister, porticia, pretty_fits, pseudo_kemetic, purple_chalk, purplecleo, quasidan, queen_phoenix, qweerdo, random_vamp, raspberrylover, realestate, recommendation, redarius, redmolly, redrumpirate, rei_saru, retrothinking, rfjason, rhodamine, rikibeth, robco, romaine, rootology, saerabbande, salacious_pop, sarahinvegas, save, saveferris, scarlet, scarlete, schmeggles, schmuckythecat, schoogie, scottrossi, sdf, seattlewolf, sexy_mac_genius, shadowsider, shadyglenn, sharkbytes, shemale, sheneequa, shinga, shuck_cat, silverpoint, skidrow_v6, slowpurple, smjor, sneakatdatavibe, sorrows_crow, spamhater, sparkedgrrl, sphinges, spoony36, spycedtx, squinita, srslynotpoony, starchild82, starlasoma, subbes, substancep, superslowmo, supremegoddess1, taral, tehdely, televisionism, telie13, terpsichord, thanat_0s, thaspoony, thegoddesskali, themoonfell, thepurpleempire, thereisnospoony, thespisgeoff, thinkwellian, thirty_three, thrd_uncle, tiffeh, timthief, tokencoffee, torenheksje, travelsizedoug, travvvv, tres_faux, trixie_wabbit, trixiewabbit, trouser_minnow, typsygypsy, ultraluxe, ultramundanecom, uncacreamy, underthelens, ungeschickt, urania60, usagiko, vargtimmen, vee_ecks, vertizart, violently, violetiae, vitaminacetone, vivian_shaw, wattagecat, wertz, wesa, weselan, whitewavex, wint3rhart, without_me, wring, wrldsangrydog, wutscooking, xerofilter, xoexohexox, xtex, yatabazah, yellowest_finch, yirimyah, ynoopseht, zackzak, zephyrcrow, zoltrix |  | 16: | adulttoyreview, ask_rfjason, chuckfuckmarry, ed_admins, imotd, ljunited, matchingrebequa, metaquotes, nakedparts_ru, omg_too_soon, read_this_post, slimies, stupid_free, vadges_n_fags, whateverfaggot, wtf_rule34 |
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| Mutual Friends: | 384: 1belka, 33mhz, a_girl5000, a_lad_inane, aberrantvirtue, aethereal_girl, aforabuse, agateway, aimee, akaaria, alexjon, allah_dot_com, almira2005, alva1414, amandathegreat, anatolian, angelundrcover, anhero, annab3lla, annifridfour, apathiqueseraph, areawoman, armchairshrink, ashamed, ashi_moto, atomslife, awfulpoetry, bad_mom, badrobot68, badwolfatl, bag_of_cocks, barkis, barlights, baron_von_aaron, beenie, bevoboy98, biscuiteater, bizarre, blue_eye, bluegrasskitty, bluegypsy, bmcc, bonqueesha, bonziac, boo_kat, borealis_belle, boringisgood, bottledwater, boyswontbeboys, brightflashes, browneye54, bryen, buddymorgan, caprinus, capt_cunnypunch, catsluvdmb, caveman_joe, cavorite, charisstoma, chauffeurs, chibisama, chillos, chrissmari, christopher575, chunkems, cipster, colours, confessionalbox, correnn, craigb, cryslea, cuddlebumpie, cyanocobalamin, cynical5679, dai_sugoi, dancingdrew, danielspice, dantc, davidkevin, dawnsyndrome, dedpohmel, deftera, demure, depression208, derisio, deviantsaint, dippydawg1932, djmedieval, donkey_hokey, dr_fleming, duxwig, dwa20, e_richard, eagon, eqo, etrinsou, eurotrashgrrl, eviljr, ex_mamaskin256, fanless, faolchu_scatha, fillerbunny9, fire_trucks, fishing_nazi, flabbinabbal, flemco, for_noone, fresh_tart, fresita, friendhamster, frosya, full_of_wind, g2starboi, gargyloveswolfy, gaypedro, georgiamagnolia, ghettofinger, gillian16, girlpirate, girlvinyl, glass_hawk, gleefulfishy, grammarcub, greeneyed_devil, greymaiden, grubbybastard, gskreet, gulsukat, gutterboylive, haeleth, hangingfire, hardly_angelic, hardvice, hepkitten, hermy, hildeaux, hoyvenmayven, huff_and_puff, hujhax, hykue, iconoclast, iheartretards, immer_nachoha, in_flux_again, incostantemoto, infinitevoid, injustifiiable, innout, interactiveleaf, intervocalic, ... |
| Also Friend of: | 30: 1killhamster, 434532246, ____prfctlj4evr, a_hobo, alittleharsh, auntslut, bantown_lol, busta_rhymes, dick_clark, ebony_princezz, fucktart_, futhyfuth, genghis_gerbil, gerilsage, happy_bday_ari, hrh_jesuschrist, imaserialadder, imgonzo, jameths_goatse, jameths_mom, lisa_vs_sunny, niggerknife, omgsayhi2trolls, relaxing, sailormoonsays, the_anti_brad, xinwardxbeautyx, zz_ljabuse, zzz_gobbles, zzzz_hugedongs |
| Member of: | 19: adulttoyreview, ask_rfjason, chuckfuckmarry, ed_admins, imotd, ljunited, matchingrebequa, metaquotes, nakedparts_ru, omg_too_soon, paidmembers, read_this_post, sf_drama, slimies, statements, stupid_free, vadges_n_fags, whateverfaggot, wtf_rule34 |
| Account type: | Paid Account |
